Slowly rising from the funk and skipping the cookie

First, the good--I think my training so far is going really well.  This is week 8 (wow, eight!!) of 30, so only 23 weeks to go!  I have yet to really miss a workout.  I had to cut one short because of a flat tire, and I've missed a swim (and will again this week), but since I've added a swim to the training plan in these first 10 weeks, it doesn't "count" as missing it, right?  Staying in zone 1 and 2 for heart rate training is tough, because it sometimes feels too easy, but as I've said before, I am trusting "the plan."

My first triathlon of the season is this Sunday, an Olympic Distance race in Clermont.  That's a 1.5K swim (.94 miles), 40K bike (24.85 miles) and a 10K run (6.2 miles).  I did this race in 2011, but it was held in June on a very hot day.  I remember suffering on the run, and thinking it was SO long and hilly, even though the hills are not that bad, just a few moderate inclines just after the turnaround.  I did really well on the bike, with a 21.1 mph average.  I don't think I can match that this time, since I haven't been doing much speed work on the bike, but we'll see.  My swim was over 32 minutes last time, and I am really hoping to go under 30 minutes this time with the work I've been doing in the pool.  If I wear a wetsuit I think sub-30 is definitely doable.  My run last time was an 8:30 pace, and though it will be warm by the time I run on Sunday, it won't be hot like it was in 2011, so I should be able to drop that pace a bit.  Clearly I am a bit of a numbers junkie (and slightly competitive).

This race is supposed to be "practice," but of course I still want to do the best I can.  Last time I placed second in my age group, but I see that last year the race was much more competitive, so I'm not banking on placing this time.  I just want to improve where I can.  And have fun!  It may seem like I'm taking all the fun out of it by focusing on the numbers, but I'm really not.  I love triathlons!  They provide that little bit of an extra difficulty factor that a running race does not--you have to prepare, prepare, prepare--not just the training, but making sure you have everything laid out as needed for each leg of the event.  And I love planning, especially when proper planning leads to successful execution!  Still doesn't sound fun?  It is, really!  And this distance is great, because it's challenging, yet not completely exhausting.

So that was the good.  Now for the bad.  I am still struggling with getting back on track with my eating.  I've gained back 2 pounds, which in the grand scheme of things is not a disaster, but is tough given that I'm struggling with the last 5-10 pound weight loss challenge.  The thing I cannot get out of my head is that stupid feeling of "well, I ate something bad, this day is trashed, why not keep eating bad?"  It is a terrible outlook and I KNOW it when I'm doing it, but I do it anyway.  I read an article not too long ago (and I apologize but  I am notoriously bad at remembering who wrote it, where I read it, etc.), that cited a study that rang true with me.  It was about making food choices based upon past experiences--more specifically, if in the recent past you made a choice to skip the cookie, then when presented with the option again to take the cookie or skip it, you're more likely to realize that you don't need the cookie and you skip it.  However, if instead you recall the time that you gave in and took the cookie (and the immediate gratification rather than the longer term dissatisfaction), you're more likely to take the cookie again.  This is how I have been successful in going sugar-free in the past.  I remembered "skipping the cookie" and that I survived.  That's right...the world did not end, I was not miserable and left to feel vacant and unfulfilled just because I didn't have the cookie.  So these are now my areas of focus: don't let the indulgence continue for days (one meal at Outback doesn't mean I need to keep stuffing myself to discomfort); and focus on the times I have said no to the temptation, survived, and felt better for it.

The ugly?  Unfortunately, that has to do with laziness.  I have fallen into a lazy funk, where I get my training in, I take care of the basics (laundry, feeding the dogs, feeding myself, work), but that's about it.  There are dog-hair tumbleweeds rolling through my living room, the bathroom floor needs to be scraped and prepped for painting, the flower beds are full of weeds...you know the to-do list.  I was doing so well at the beginning of training! But as I feared, I have let a bit of fatigue creep into my life as the excuse for pushing off my to-do list.  This is not acceptable!  There is no reason, particularly as I have no children, that I can't get things done on the weekends.  On my group run last Saturday morning, I listened as a few of my running-mates (women with children) discussed how even though they take time for themselves to run, and each has a spouse at home, when they get home it's full-on Mommy Mode.  Even through (their own) sickness, jobs, children's sports/volunteer/school activities, they just do it.  They get it done.  So they have inspired me to try harder, because comparatively, I have it easy!

Though I am still working on the goals I set for myself last week, I will add a couple to them:
5.  (Relates to #1 of last week) Remember the healthy eating habits when faced with a poor-choice eating habit.  Choose wisely.
6.  Get to that to-do list!  No excuses.

May you see the moon in a bright blue morning sky.  Train on!

Part II: Race weight (I still love pizza, and ice cream, and...)

Here we are in week 7 and training is going well, other than missing the last 20 minutes (well, 19, but who’s counting? I am!) of my bike ride on Sunday due to a flat tire and subsequent tire-changing difficulties.

I am in a bit of a funk—more about that next week, hopefully in the form of “how I got myself out of the funk”—but it has to do with eating and laziness in non-exercise related activities.  I believe this "funk" is one of the fears that I may or may not have detailed in my "hopes and fears" post a few weeks ago.

Part II of the overeating debacle, however, has to do with race weight and how I personally define it and the journey to reach it.  Those involved in triathlon, running, cycling, etc. will likely have an understanding of what “optimal race weight” is.  The way I define it is simply the weight at which I can perform my best.  “Weight” is a loaded word, certainly, because it does not correspond directly to fitness.  But I am making the assumption here that I will get to my desired race weight through fitness, so I’m not talking about simply reducing weight (in my case—for some people it might mean gaining weight) through diet alone.  Clearly I am using exercise to reach my goal of completing an Ironman.  Yet diet, nutrition, has so much to do with the journey that it cannot be separated from the exercise piece.

If you recall from my last post, I began having difficulty maintaining proper diet and healthy eating choices, regressing into the Pit of Despair (said as The Albino did in The Princess Bride):

Okay, so it wasn't the pit of despair, but that funk I mentioned?  Yeah, it’s all connected.  Anyway, since I have a history of making poor eating choices, I decided last year to attempt the Paleo Diet.  I had heard about it through involvement in CrossFit, but had never researched it much.  And then the defining moment happened (the one where you decide).  See, no one can decide for you—to be healthier, to be nicer, to listen more, to get up and exercise—you decide.  I had that moment on New Year’s Eve 2010.  My pants were so tight!  I was at World of Beer, and my jeans were so tight that my stomach was uncomfortably hanging over the waist band, and even though I had chosen a loose, black shirt to hide it, and probably had a sweater on, as well, I still felt naked.  Like everyone was looking at me and how much weight I had gained.  (No one was looking—it was all in my head—but it didn't matter, it was in that moment I decided.)  The “decision” at that point led to joining CrossFit and making 2011 the year of triathlons, culminating in the half ironman distance Atlantic Coast Triathlon at Amelia Island.  It was a good year—I went from weighing 140.5 lbs on January 1^st, feeling soft and out of shape, to maintaining a strong 132 pounds for most of the rest of the year.  After the half ironman, I was in marathon training mode, and pretty much maintained that 130-132 lb weight, though it fluctuated a bit more through the holidays (the marathon was in March).  January was also super busy at work, but no problem, I still maintained a mostly healthy diet.

No…who am I kidding…I didn't.  The increase in running mileage allowed me to eat badly sometimes with the only consequence being whether I felt bloated or not.  So as usual, I pretty much just "got by" instead of getting to the weight that would allow me to excel.  Anyway, after the marathon, I really let things go.  Work would be getting extremely busy so I couldn't fit in any major fitness goals (i.e. races), so my dedication wavered.  Yes, I was still going to CrossFit 3-4 days a week, I was still running (occasionally), I was biking when whether permitted, but I had definitely lost focus.  Enter the PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION YEAR…

(For those reading this who do not know, I work for a local elections office, so every even-numbered year means a big increase in hours worked, but if that year is a presidential election, fuhgettaboutit…I am a slave to the office and exercise is comprised of walking quickly up and down the office halls to address one issue or another.)

Those bad eating habits I detailed last week?  Those have always increased exponentially during election season…a stop at Walgreens or Publix between an off-site meeting and heading back to the office may have included the purchase of easy to eat fruits or vegetables, but more often than not included mini-rice cakes, chocolate of some sort, trail mix, and other bloat-inducing, highly processed, sugary “foods” that provided a short spike in energy level, followed by a steep crash into a sugar coma—except that I had no time to allow a sugar coma, so I was really just existing on calorie-laden fumes.  This indulgence began again in July of last year, which was the start of long hours, weekend work, etc.  All of this work is expected, so I should be able to plan for it properly.  But I was lazy. At the end of August, after the Primary Election was over and we were feverishly resetting and planning for the big one (no, not the expected earthquake in San Francisco, the presidential election, silly), I reached another decision point.  The decision came sometime in September, and this time I don’t remember exactly where I was or what prompted it.  Only that I was back up to a pudgy 140.5 lbs., feeling constantly bloated and uncomfortable.  So the Paleo Diet began.

In a nutshell, following a Paleo diet means eating a lot of (lean) meat, veggies, some fruits, some nuts and seeds, and very little starch, no sugar, no dairy, no beans, no grains.  The article I found that best explained it to me is found here: http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2010/10/04/the-beginners-guide-to-the-paleo-diet/.  To some, this may seem extreme, it may seem like a fad or something ridiculous.  But to me it made sense—the items on the “no” list are things that often make me feel bad after eating them anyway.  I don’t mean bad as in guilty, I mean bad as in pants are tight, is everyone looking at my fat roll, I need to buy bigger clothes bad.  Sure, chips and salsa provide an immediate feel-good happiness in me, I love candy and can eat it until my teeth hurt, chocolate knows no finish line when it comes to my intake.  Luckily for me, I LOVE vegetables, too.  And I’m not a big pasta eater—I like it, but I can live without it.  Rice I like a bit more, but mostly when combined with sushi, Cuban food, or in the form of Vietnamese rice noodles.  Bread—well, I do love me some bread!  But I’ve never been much of a sandwich eater so no biggie.  Cereal, on the other hand…well, see Part I if you need a reminder about my cereal fetish.

Anyway, cutting sugar out completely for 6 weeks was my goal.  Doing this would naturally eliminate a lot of—no, almost ALL—processed foods from my diet. (Have you ever read food labels—I mean, REALLY read them, to see how much of the shit we eat has added sugar?!)  I was successful!  I went from mid-September all the way to Halloween without eating any sugar!  Now, I’m sure there was something that I ate which had added sugar that I may have missed, but not much.  I checked all labels.  It didn’t hurt that we were so busy at work that I wasn’t eating out at restaurants at all, not even on the weekends (what’s a weekend?), and I did use the crockpot a lot to prepare meals for the week.  I love raw vegetables, so when all else fails, hard boiled eggs and raw veggies make a good go-to snack food or meal.  So in that time I lost 10 pounds, with absolutely no exercise at all.  After Halloween I continued my sugar-free streak until Election Day, at which point I ate whatever was placed in front of me, I didn’t care. 

By Thanksgiving, however, our schedule got back to normal, and going out to dinner on the weekends began again, and the holidays came, and a mini-vacation…excuses, excuses.  Although I did start exercising again, I also gained 5 pounds back.  But I had made another decision—Ironman Louisville 2013.  In order for Brian to agree to this journey, he wanted my commitment that I would go all in—no half-assed, train when I want, just-get-by and finish within the 17-hour time limit.  I agreed that it would not be like that, I would instead give it all I had and train, train, train.  And get to my race weight, which I have never reached before.

Race weight for me will likely be 120 – 125 lbs.  It all depends on how much extra fat I lose.  I know, most people ask “what fat?”  But there is fat.  I have a fairly small frame and am a bit muscular, and there is quite a bit of fat on my frame, surrounding those muscles.  Less weight = faster performance.  It just does.  There are countless stories of elite athletes performing their best when they lose weight—and these are ELITES who already look like they need a few extra sandwiches and a cookie!  So for Average Weekend Warrior here, I want to get to my race weight—that point that is sustainable yet performance-enhancing.  The Paleo approach has worked so far, but I have to step it up a notch now.  I have to reduce my fruit intake, I think, because it’s high in sugar, and I eat too much of it during the day.  I can replace it with more vegetables.  I also have to make sure I’m getting enough protein.  I’ve never been that much of a meat eater.  I love eggs, so I eat those every morning for breakfast, but I need more chicken, salmon and beef, most likely. 

I’m struggling with my evening meals on Tuesdays and Thursdays, because I have back-to-back workouts on those days (run then swim or bike then swim).  I eat in between, but then have to eat a little after my swim, and I haven’t quite figured out that balance yet.  Definitely taking in too many calories there.

And I have to figure this all out soon, because about halfway through my training plan, when volume and intensity really picks up, I’ll have to eat more in order to fuel my workouts.  Weight loss will be very difficult at that point without compromising my workout performance. Tick tock.

Moving forward, here are my goals:

1.       Control the overeater in me that has escaped too many times lately.  I won’t be insanely restrictive, but I must remember that just because I eat one “bad” meal on Saturday doesn’t mean that Sunday (and Monday) are extensions of the sugar-fest. 

2.       Reduce the amount of fruit I eat.  I plan to have fruit with breakfast and my afternoon banana with almond butter that sits well before an evening workout.

3.       Eat enough fats and protein with my veggies (carbs).

4.       Finish reading the Paleo Diet for Athletes book so that I have a plan on how to fuel my higher-intensity, longer-distance training.

I will check back in on these goals in two weeks to see how I’m doing.

In the meantime…fuel well, train on!

I love pizza...and ice cream...and candy...and...

After writing the first draft of this post (yes, I am a nerd, I write a draft first), I realized that I could write a book about this topic.  Well, maybe not a book, but a very long chapter in a book.  So this will be split into two parts--here is Part I.

Nutrition, nutrition, nutrition!  The bane of my (athletic) existence...It may surprise many to learn that I am a compulsive overeater.  I don't say that or use the term lightly, because for some people it can be a serious problem with food addiction and a resulting unhealthy life.  Luckily for me, I can control it and have always enjoyed exercise.  Yet I have never been at an ideal weight for reaching my potential in any of my athletic endeavors--not in high school, not in college, not in my weekend warrior escapades as an adult.  So one of my goals for the Ironman this year is to get close to my ideal race weight.  (Part II will be more about race weight and what that means to me.)  No, I am not fat and never have been.  And I'm not going to use the terms "overweight" or "heavy"--let's call it what it is, fat is fat.  If you have to ask, the answer is yes.  ("Does this outfit make my arms/stomach/ass/thighs/teeth look fat?"  Yes.)  I'm not fat, but I have extra fat.  Getting rid of that extra fat to get to my race weight will take a lot of work (again, more on that in Part II).  Right now, however, my biggest concern is I have let myself fall back into compulsive overeating habits.  Those of you without any level of food addiction might not know what I mean, so let me give you some examples:

• Buying cookie dough, the kind in the easy open package, eating it in the car (not all of it, but a lot), and disposing of the package before anyone else might see. After all, if no one else sees me eat it, the calories don't count.
• Eating raw spaghetti because of the satisfying chewing/crunching/starchy feeling it provides.
• Eating something delicious, but eating more of it than anyone should, past the point of feeling full, all the way to the point of feeling sick, but continuing to eat it because at one point it tasted really good, and I want to maintain that feeling of enjoying it (at some point the taste doesn't matter anymore, just the continued feeling of eating); also just because I can. I have expando-belly, I can fit enormous amounts of food into my stomach.  (That's nothing to be proud of, Russ.)
• Going to Walgreens for something innocuous, let's say a greeting card or tissue or something, and coming out with 3 for $3 boxes of candy, or two entire bags of mini Snickers/Twix/Milky Way because they were BOGO, or whatever other candy might just be on sale...and then eating it surreptitiously whenever the opportunity presents itself.  After all, chocolate curbs my appetite, so I'll eat less for dinner anyway.  (Yeah, right.)

Yes, I have done all of these things.  I have done all of them in the past year, in fact, and a couple of them even since the start of my Ironman training.  The past two weeks were tough--for no reason at all--no added stress at work or home, I just got lazy and fell back into compulsive eating habits.  It started innocently enough two weeks ago with Almond Butter.  I have been eating a banana with almond butter almost every weekday afternoon for the past few weeks because it is a perfect post-lunch/pre-workout snack.  I had never tried almond butter before, but since I'm trying to follow the Paleo diet, peanut butter is off-limits (it's a legume, not actually a nut, and no legumes allowed on Paleo).  So I found some relatively affordable almond butter at Publix that had only two ingredients, almonds and salt.  Well, I ran out two weeks ago and could not find that same brand!  All the other almond butters I found had all kinds of other ingredients (added oils and other crap).  So in a pinch to find an afternoon protein to go with my banana, I bought raw, natural sunflower seeds (raw seeds are Paleo).  I dipped my banana in them and thought it would be a delicious snack.  Well, the banana completely overshadowed the seeds, so I couldn't taste them. I started just eating a handful or two of the seeds (which should be all I eat in a serving).  By the third day, I was eating them with a spoon. In the morning.  At my desk.  After lunch.  The huge portion of sunflower seeds was gone in 4 days.  Note to self: inability to control snacking means do not buy these anymore.  However, no major harm done, I was pretty much sticking to eating healthy for everything else.

Then came the weekend for the Gasparilla Half Marathon.  Friday evening we went out and I had two 20 oz. ciders--lots of calories, but that's okay.  Ordered a healthy spinach and chicken salad, didn't eat the pita bread.  Next day ate half a subway meatball sub, again, no big deal, race the next day.  For dinner at a friend's had two types of pasta dishes, bread, tortilla chips...more than I should have, but everything sat well with me the next day in the race.  Celebrated the race with a greasy burger and sweet potato fries.  And that's where it should have ended.  But it didn't.  That night I overate some more...popcorn, maybe?  Oh, and crack!  Have you ever tasted this stuff?  They gave it away for free at the race...three jars in my bag!  It should be banned as a drug as harmful as crack!  Evil, evil stuff...don't ever buy it.  Ever.

Anyway, my overeating and poor decisions continued to the next day.  I did go grocery shopping and cooked my food for the week that Monday night to get back on track, but still did poorly throughout the week.  Mostly I ate too much, even though I was eating healthy foods.  But then Friday night came along, and after my run I had a cider.  Then another.  Then a homemade quesadilla that Brian made, even though I had already eaten my healthy dinner of salad and a veggie burger.  Then Saturday I made the mistake of having cereal.  I LOVE cereal.  I have not had cereal in 6 weeks...but I had a bowl Saturday, a BIG bowl (with almond milk, that made it okay, right?).  Then on Sunday I had not one, not two, but THREE bowls. That's where the compulsive part of compulsive overeating comes in.  Was I still hungry after the first bowl? No.  But I wanted more.  I had nothing else to eat that afternoon, went on a great bike ride, then was getting hungry.  Had a cider (I was thirsty, too).  Then another.  Then we ordered Chinese food.  And I ate it all.  During my second helping I even told Brian how full I was, how my stomach was starting to hurt.  Did I stop eating then?  No.  I finished it.  I threw out some rice, but that's only because my chicken and sauce were gone.

As you can see, I have fallen off my healthy eating, and this past week had trouble getting back on track. Even though all week I KNEW I would be writing about this in my blog, but was planning on just detailing the sunflower seed and post-race bad eating mishap.  But it continued because I let it.  It's a good thing that I really enjoy eating healthy foods and always have.  And also lucky for me I don't like cake, or cheesecake, or pastry things...but I love pizza...and ice cream...and candy...and obviously a lot of things that in moderation aren't bad at all, but in excess are a big problem.

So I am back on track today.  I will take it one day at a time and remember that there is no reason to overeat, to stuff myself to discomfort.  I am not denying myself anything, I'm just trying to eat healthy 95% of the time, and then choosing each week what "treats" I get for that other 5%.  

As a side note, during my freshman year of college at USF, I went to see a "counselor" at the school for what I had recognized as a compulsive overeating problem.  What a joke!  I met with a young man and young woman, I have no idea at what point in their counseling training they were (grad students, maybe?), but they were of absolutely no help at all.  As I said before, I am lucky to be able to control this, but many people cannot, and I hope that those who need help and seek it find better than I did in that one attempt at seeking "professional" assistance.

It's hard for me to admit all this to friends who don't know it about me, and most do not.  I try to always keep things positive, to learn from mistakes and move on.  But if this blog is to be an honest diary of my Ironman journey, then this post had to be part of it.  Today I had some victories.  I was hungry in the grocery store and considered (again, knowing I was writing this blog), purchasing something unhealthy that would satisfy my bogus craving (like trail mix, maybe with chocolate, or chips, or whatever).  But I chose not to.  Instead, I chewed a piece of sugar free gum.  Then at the second grocery store I bought some plums and ate one of those on the way home.  When I got home I cooked and prepped my food for the week, ate a bit of what I prepared, and even though I wanted to keep eating, I stopped.  (After dinner eating is my biggest problem--I feel like I need to stuff myself to the point of discomfort.  What is that all about?)

One day at a time.  Today is a success.  Tomorrow will be another successful day.  And the day after that...